Selfishness 

Occasionally I am completely surprised by the amount of people who seem to be entirely self absorbed. How is it that in only one day, such a large percentage of my own small world could conduct themselves in a manner so apathetic towards their fellow humans?

From the kids who don’t want to get out of bed, or lend a pair of socks, or be on time for the sake of the one who has a field trip, to the woman in the hallway who feels it necessary to make me later than I already am by standing in my path and demanding to know who I am, and which apartment I live in so that she can report me for having a well-behaved dog who happens to be over the weight limit, or the Professor who arbitrarily dislikes and belittles all of my essays, even though she admits that I am a good writer, and that I have done everything that she has asked of me. The completely obnoxious woman in front of me in the checkout line won’t stop yelling at her husband, and yet apologizes to ME by saying “I just sort of take over wherever I’m at.” That manager who wants my family to move every 3 years so that my husband can “fix” all of the broken offices rather than recruiting more new bright minds to fill those gaps. The plethora of television writers who seem to think that showcasing teenagers who are not only physically violent toward each other, but abhorrently rude is somehow comedy. Presidential candidates who blatantly encourage their fans to objectify women, hate other races, and discriminate against other religions. Those sort of things are not ok. It isn’t ok for us to treat each other that way. It isn’t ok for us to laugh about it. Saying that this is a load of hooey does not make me a wet blanket, or a prude, or a goody two shoes. Heck, most days I am lucky if I can even find both of my shoes. This is a humbly admitted truth, not a self righteous judgement.

Even on those kind of days though, there are those moments where one kid gives her sister the last piece of toast and says “I can get something else later, and my son spends his field trip spending money on a mothers day gift for me, and when some homeless guy at Aldi asks if he can return my grocery cart for me to earn the $0.25 deposit to buy food. That is when I realize that the amount of tenacity, courage, love, and kindness in this world makes the rotteness seem like a chihuahua inside a fence barking at a Great Pyrenees on the other side. The things that make me smile are like flashlights in a dark room. No matter how great the darkness, it is powerless against the smallest light.

The point I’m trying to make is that I really love this life. I am blessed. I am unworthy of the massive amounts of love I have been gifted with. I want to give some of it back so that the world will be an even bright place than I found it. Even if all I can do is to smile sometimes, that smile is one brighter spot than there was before.

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